Recently, I was joking with a friend of mine, and we wondered what might happen if Sarah n’Jan and Maya somehow migrated to the “Star Wars” universe. We both agreed that the pair would certainly join the Empire, but with surprising results. Here is a script for such a development:
Scene: Aboard the Death Star 2, Sarah n’ Jan’s quarters. Sarah is meditating when Darth Vader enters.
Vader: Sarah, I must speak with you.
Sarah (eyebrow raised): Oh? What about Lord Vader?
Vader: The Emperor is highly pleased that you have left the Sisterhood and joined the Empire—but—
Vader: It is Maya. She is stealing from my storm troopers again. Just today, she managed to take the blasters away from two of them without their knowing it.
Sarah (laughs): How aggravating.
Vader: Sarah, I am loosing storm troopers. You know that I have to have to make an example of them and kill them for such a lapse in duty!
Sarah: That must be rather inconvenient. Had they been women, perhaps they would have been more cautious, and perceptive.
Vader: Do not take us there, Sarah.
Sarah: Agreed. For now. Is there anything else, Lord Vader?
Vader: Yes. Maya also stole something from me.
Sarah: And what would that be?
Vader: Something of a personal nature.
Sarah: Indeed? I must know what it is if you are to have any chance at recovery.
Vader: It is my lightsaber.
Sarah: Your lightsaber? But I see one on your belt!
Vader: It is my--other lightsaber. My ‘Hello Kitty’ lightsaber.
Sarah: (looks at Vader and laughs)
Vader: I was going through a phase. Sarah this thievery must stop! Maya has also gone so far as to steal from the Emperor himself!
Sarah: What did she take from Palpatine?
Vader: His pain stimulator. It was a birthday gift from his mother.